Blue lights for pizza vans? Drivers name their dream traffic laws

Wednesday, March 25, 2015 - 11:38
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Drivers want a bigger role in drawing up the laws of the road – but can they be trusted?

British road users want their voice to be heard when it comes to drawing up new traffic laws, it appears.

A UK-based car leasing company has found that a majority of road users want to be asked about future legislation for drivers to counteract what is largely seen as a government ‘war on motorists’.

“The average driver thinks they’re being targeted for fines and taxes every time they take to the road with nothing being done to make their lives easier or cheaper,” says spokesperson Mark Hall, “No wonder they’re bursting at the seems with new traffic laws, no matter how daft.”

However, the company found that – when pushed – many drivers probably couldn’t be trusted with coming up with sensible ideas, with ‘blues and twos’ for takeaway drivers topping the list of daft traffic law suggestions.

When over 1200 drivers were asked “If you were in charge of the country, what law would you pass to make the roads better?”, they inevitably got a mix of the bizarre and the genius along with some sensible suggestions which warrant further investigation.

Highlights include:

  • Give pizza delivery drivers blue flashing lights and sirens, and afford them the same rights to the road as emergency vehicles. These people are doing important work.
  • Never mind phones. I’d ban people from eating and smoking behind the wheel.
  • No kids up front. No excuses.
  • People who have cars worth over £30,000 will have to drive a Citroën 2CV one day every week to see how the other half live.
  • Free petrol coupons handed out to drivers who get stuck in traffic jams caused by road works, but there’s nobody actually working
  • Legally enforceable minimum speeds on certain roads. Slow drivers cause jams and cause frustration. Get them out of my way!
  • Sin-bins for bad driving like cutting in front of you in queues, where the police make you watch 70s-era public safety films for half an hour.
  • In my ruthless dictatorship, I’d ban people from turning right, because I hate being held up by people turning right. I’ve thought this through – we could make this work with better use of sliproads and multi-million pound gyratory systems. We’d need to demolish thousands of houses, shops and other buildings to make this work, but it would be worth it.
  • A sensor on my car that turns all the traffic lights green. I’d be the only person to have one.
  • Scrap Vehicle Excise Duty and slightly increase tax at the petrol pump and electrical charging point. Then the people who drive more or have petrol-guzzling cars would pay more tax.

“Yes, we’d all love a remote control for traffic lights, especially those so-called ‘smart’ ones that go red just as you drive up to them,” says Mark Hall, “But there are one or two excellent ideas here that absolutely require further thought.” is enthused about stricter laws for children riding as front-seat passengers and the call to scrap Vehicle Excise Duty.

“The government scrapped the tax disc last year, and now would be a good time to get rid of the ‘road tax’ for once and for all,” says Hall. “It’s a layer of taxation and bureaucracy that can be best collected through other means.”

As for the more outlandish ideas, Mr Hall says that many are born out of frustration, but may still have a kernel of truth about them.

“I’m looking forward to getting my pizza two minutes earlier,” he concluded.

What traffic laws would you like to see introduced or changed? Let us know in the comments below!

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